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Soft Skills
Assert yourself right
The way company personnel communicate with each other makes
all the difference between efficiency and ineptitude, success and failure. While
communication has numerous representations in the workplace, being assertive
holds the key. Express TravelWorld asserts.
Humans communicate in order to share knowledge and experiences. Communication
is as much matter of human relationships as it is of transferring facts. Common
forms of communication, as we know it, include sign language, speaking, writing,
gestures, and broadcasting. Communication can be interactive, transactive, intentional,
or unintentional; it can also be verbal or nonverbal. But it can vary considerably
in form and style under different circumstances and emotions.
Today, the most common requirement in work places is assertive communication,
which is often confused with aggressive communication. Let's look closely at
the differences among assertive and aggressive communication, and assertive
and non-assertive communication.
The assertive style
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Assertiveness is about being neither
a doormat nor a steamroller, but rather a respectful and respected person
who values his/her own needs as well as of others
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Assertive communication lets the person you are speaking with
know what's on your mind, how you feel about something or what you want to do.
It is generally not intended to be argumentative, overbearing or malicious.
It is simply an honest, direct statement of what you are thinking. Assertive
communication is a skill that can be learnt and developed with practice. Assertiveness
is about standing up for yourself, believing in your opinions and your right
to be heard and at the same time getting your needs met. But it is also about
respecting the opinions and needs of thers. Assertiveness does not mean getting
what you want regardless of what other people need or want. It is about valuing
yourself and valuing others and believing that you are equal to others - not
superior or inferior - and have equal rights to be heard and respected. Assertiveness
is the attitude that "I matter as much as you, and you matter as much as
me." Assertiveness is about being neither a doormat nor a steamroller,
but rather a respectful and respected person who values his/her own needs as
well as of others.
Aggressive communication, on the other hand, can be malicious and often demeaning
to the other person. It is a hostile approach that attempts to bully or belittle
others into seeing things your way.
Non-assertive communication is the complete opposite of assertive communication.
People who use this approach do not voice their opinions, and often hide their
real feelings or thinking about a topic or situation. It can be an ineffective
way to communicate because it does not present what is truly desired. It can
be frustrating for both, the person speaking and the listener, because neither
of them really acquire anything from the conversation.
When someone communicates effectively, they are able to send the message they
intend to someone else without limiting the other person's ability to reply.
If you use a non-assertive communication style, you really are not delivering
your message to the other person. At the same time, if you use an aggressive
style, you are not allowing yourself to hear what the other person has to say.
They may also respond emotionally, which again limits communication.
Being able to communicate effectively does not come naturally for most people,
as they need to develop an understanding of themselves and learn assertive skills.
Even though it takes some time and effort to develop those skills, there is
great incentive to learn and practice this mode of communication.
Three different styles
Passive
A person with a passive interpersonal style may be easily intimidated by others
and may believe that his/her rights and opinions are not as important as those
of other people. Passive people are often shy and have difficulty saying "no"
when asked to do a favour. They also tend to be overly courteous and might do
just about anything to avoid a fight, argument or disagreement. A passive person
may get angry when someone violates their rights, but they aren't likely to
stand up for themselves directly. This may leave them feeling exploited, taken
advantage of, or abused. Passive people may become depressed or anxious because
they fear others getting angry with them. They may also be well aware of their
passive style and become angry with themselves for not being able to stand up
for their rights. Some people in this category may become passive-aggressive,
that is, they won't stand up to someone directly, but they'll talk about them
behind their back or do little things to subtly convey their anger and get revenge.
They may be intimidated by authority and have a hard time dealing with people
in power. Passive people may rarely get what they want or need. However, it
is important to note that in some situations in which there is potential danger,
it is appropriate to behave passively to protect yourself.
Aggressive
The person with an aggressive interpersonal style behaves very differently than
the person with a passive style. Here the person believes that their rights,
opinions and needs are more important than those of others and they may violate
others' rights and boundaries in an effort to get what they want. People like
this may be verbally and/or physically aggressive. The aggressive person is
essentially sending the message of "I matter more than you do, so get out
of my way." Aggressive people are likely to be demanding, angry, and hostile
in getting to their goal and may not realise that they hurt others in the process.
They are at a higher risk to alienate others through their hostile behaviour
or to get into fights and arguments. Some aggressive people will say that they
are just standing up for their rights, but there is a difference between standing
up for yourself and walking all over everyone else. In the end, they may not
get their needs met due to their offensive style or can also have others avoiding
them.
Assertive
The assertive style is the middle ground between being passive and aggressive.
The assertive person does not give the message that "You matter more than
me" or that "I matter more than you." Instead, they give the
message that "We are equals, both our needs matter, let's find a way to
get them both met." The assertive person expresses his/her opinions freely,
is not afraid to state his/her requests, and stands up for him/herself when
others try to violate his/her rights, but all of this is done in a respectful
manner. They do not demand, but rather ask, do not withdraw, but stand his/her
ground. He or she understands that other's feelings, opinions and rights are
important, but does not place them either above or below his/her own."
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